Some people behave like their only tool is anger.
When they’re impatient, they get angry.
When they’re frustrated, they get angry.
When they’re afraid, they get angry.
When they’re tired, they get angry.
When they’re confused, they get angry.
Today, I’m here to announce to you that your toolbox contains other powerful tools. Anger is not your only tool. And
definitely, anger is not your best tool.
Whenever you want to get angry, here are a few alternative tools…
Tool #1: Brainstorm By Asking Sincere Questions
Are you getting annoyed at your child because of her messy room? Try brainstorming…
Mom (calmly): “How can we solve your messy room? Any suggestions?”
Child: “I don’t have time to clean it, Mom.”
Mom: “I suggest you find even 10 minutes in your day to clean your room. What do you think?”
Child: “In the morning, I’m rushing to school. When I get back from school, I’m tired. I just want to play for awhile.”
Mom: “After you arrive home, can you rest and play for thirty minutes—and then clean your room after?
Child: “I think I can do that.”
Mom: “Let’s shake on it.”
Tool #2: Give Information
Mom (calmly): “A clean room will help you think better. You’ll feel better too.”
Tool #3: Use One Word
When your child forgets to clean his room again, you’ll be tempted to sermonize anew, “How many times have I told you to clean your room? My goodness, that’s the least you can do…”
Instead of getting angry, use one word.
Just say (calmly), “Son, your room please.”
You don’t have to philosophize, moralize and antagonize!
These long monologues simply don’t work.
Tool #4: Write A Note
Instead of getting angry again, simply post a note on his door that says, “I know you’re tired, son, but your room will be so much more beautiful if it’s clean. You deserve it. Love, Mom.”
Tool #5: Talk About Your Feelings
Instead of getting angry and saying, “You’re the dirtiest and laziest person in the world!” Talk about your feelings. Say calmly, “I’m really bothered when I see the mess in your room.”
Anger Is Not An All-Around Tool Dear friend, anger isn’t the all-around tool.
Anger is a very specific instrument for very specific purposes—to be used for emergencies only.
What is the all-around tool? Listening.
Listen to your child.
That’s why brainstorming (Tool #1) is very effective. The child gives solutions to the problem—and you listen to his solutions.
From now on, use your many tools.
May your dreams come true,