We’re 10 Years Old!

I can’t believe it.

God has been soooooooo good to CFA, we’re celebrating 10 years of His faithfulness and our failures, fumbles, and faults.

My admiration and applause goes to the selfless CFA Team who made these ten years fly like we just started yesterday.

And finally, thanks to YOU for being part of the CFA Family.

As I was thanking God for our 10 years together, I began to think of the reason why we made CFA: Your Kids.

The entire philosophy of homeschooling can be summarized into one single line: We parents, not schools, should educate our kids.  Because no one loves our kids more than we love them!

So in this essay, let me share with you my 2 Golden Rules when you raise up your kids…

2 Golden Rules Of Relating With Your Kids

Obviously, there are many Rules of Relating with your kids.

But today, I’d like to focus on two of the most important—and then give you some practical examples.

Here they are.

Rule #1: Give Your Full Attention

When my kids want to talk, I drop everything.  Those are incredible moments given by God to me—more precious than the Yamashita treasure.

When your children are talking to you, don’t watch TV, text on your cell phone, surf the net, or read the paper.  Look at them and listen!

Rule #2: Acknowledge Their Feelings

Here’s the biggest problem of many parents: Instead of listening to the feelings of our kids, we negate them; we shame them; we blame them; we advice them; we correct them; we philosophize about them; we psychologize them.  But we don’t really listen to their feelings.

Let me illustrate this…

Examples Of What Not To Do

Do these conversations sound familiar?

  1. Child: “I’m tired, Mom.”

Parent: “No, you’re not tired.  You’re just sleepy.”

  1. Child: “I don’t want to wear a jacket.  I feel hot.”

Parent: “Don’t be silly.  You don’t feel hot.  You actually feel cold.  Because I feel cold.  Wear your jacket now!”

  1. Child: “I lost my pen!  I just left it on my desk.  I think someone stole it!”

Parent: “That will teach you a lesson!  How many times have I told you to be careful with your stuff!  That’s what you get for not being careful.”

Child: “Oh, never mind.”

  1. Child: “Today was terrible.  My textbook gave me too many assignments!”

Parent: “That’s nothing.  Don’t complain.  When I was your age, my teacher asked me to write a 100-page report in one single day!  And I had no Google to help me out!”

Child: “Oh no, here we go again with our history lesson.”

  1. Child: “I’m not sure I want to go to Ruby’s birthday party.

Parent: “Goodness!  Don’t be foolish.  You should go!  Ruby is your best friend!”

Child: (Frowns.)

Rewind Please!

If you’d listen to your child’s feelings, you would have responded in this way…

  1. Child: “I’m tired, Mom.”

Parent: (Nods her head.)  “Feel pooped?”

Child: “Yes.  Perhaps it’s the workload in school.”

Parent: “Hmmm.”

Child: “And well… I guess I’ve been stressed lately by… some bullies in school.”

Parent: “Those problem kids you told me about last week?”

Child: “Yes.  They’re still bothering me…”

(Note: Parents, do you see how you could have missed the real story if you pontificated that his tiredness was sleepiness?)

  1. Child: “I don’t want to wear a jacket.  I feel hot.”

Parent: “Okay.  Just in case you feel cold later, your jacket is here with me.”

Child: “Thanks Mom.”

(Note: Much better, yes?)

  1. Child: “I lost my pen!  I just left it on my desk.  I think someone stole it!”

Parent: “I’m sorry to hear that.  You must feel awful.  Was that your favorite pen?”

Child: “Yes, the one given to me by Ruby.”

Parent: “Mmm.”

Child: “Next time, I’ll keep my stuff in my bag and not leave it on my desk.  I don’t want this to happen again.”

(Note: Many times, kids will realize what needs to be done.  You just have to give them time.  But when they realize it themselves, they’ll own the idea.)

  1. Child: “Today was terrible.  I have too many assignments!”

Parent: “You must feel frustrated.”

Child: “I don’t like that textbook!”

Parent: “Can I help?”

Child: “I don’t know, Mom.  They’re all reading assignments.  But thanks anyway.”  (Hugs.)

(Note: You need to choose the battles you fight.  Don’t fight in every front.  Or your child will lose her joy for life and self-confidence.)

  1. Child: “I’m not sure I want to go to Ruby’s birthday party.

Parent: “Confused?”

Child: “Yes. I feel awkward going there.”

Parent: “You don’t feel like going, huh.”

Child: “Because… because, oh, Ruby is jealous of me.”

Parent: “Oh?”

Child: “She says I’m prettier, brighter, more talented.  And she says I steal the show everytime I’m with her.  So perhaps I should just leave her alone…”

(Note: Again, the real stories come out only if they know the person they’re talking to is a good listener.)

Dear friend, have a fantastic relationship with your kids.

Have those dates.

And really, really listen.

In the end, your homeschooling will only be as good as your parenting.  Teaching is only a part of Mothering and Fathering.

Love your kids.  Listen to them.

May your dreams come true,

Bo Sanchez

Posted on July 9, 2015 in Uncategorized

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